The Silence of the Poodle

Many years ago when I was around 9 or 10 or so, we had a trampoline. It was great fun. Friends would come over and we'd spend many hours jumping on the thing.

The only downside was that the people who lived behind us had one of those little yappy poodles. You know. The ones that run up to you yapping at full volume when you're doing nothing more harmful walking by on the sidewalk. The ones that you have the urge to boot into the next county. So we'd be bouncing on the trampoline and this inbred little rat-thing would come bounding out going YAPYAPYAPYAPYAP! and wouldn't shut up.

Well, one afternoon my brother and I were bouncing on the trampoline, and the dog comes out to voice his objection. This time, rather than endure it, we got off, picked up a couple rocks, got back on, and let fly at the dog. My brother's shot went wide. My shot scored a direct hit on the dog's head. BOOM! He's out cold. Knocked flat. Totally unconcious. And I think he was the only one more surprised than I was. Yes, I was aiming at him, but I never expected to actually -hit- the little turd, much less hit him so perfectly.

My brother runs and hides in the house. I decide that if I run, I'll look guilty, so I stay out. I'm innocent of all wrongdoing, right?

After a minute or so, the back door of the dog owner's house slams open and the neighbor lady comes running out, wailing at full volume. "AIIIIIEEEEEE! OH NO! AIEEEEEEE!"

She runs over to the prone dog and starts fussing over him "COME ON! WAKE UP!"

She's picking him up and trying to get him to stand up, but he's not in any state to be doing that. Then she notices me, innocently jumping on the trampoline. "DID YOU DO ANYTHING TO MY DOG? DID YOU?"

Now here's this dog, out flat. He's probably got a big bump on his head. I'd be surprised if there wasn't a bleeding cut. Near the dog is a rock the size of a golf ball. In the yard behind the dog is a 9 or 10 year old boy. Presented with this evidence, what conclusion would you draw?

"No. Is something wrong with him?"

Fortunately, she was too upset to draw the obvious conclusion, or I'd have gotten in trouble. She goes back to trying to revive the dog, and after a minute or so, he starts trying to walk again. A minute or so later, and he's on his feet, but still shakey. She takes him into the house.

No, he didn't learn. He'd still run out and yap at us when we were on the trampoline. There is no justice.

Threaten to report me to the Humane Society.
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